Book Description Homosexuality: is it
learned, biological or both? The answer to this question deeply concerns
parents. They want to know how they can best raise their children. A
common belief today is that nothing can be done to foster the development
of healthy heterosexual orientation in children. But the clinical
experience and professional research of Dr. Nicolosi and others indicates
otherwise. In this groundbreaking book Joseph and Linda Ames Nicolosi
uncover the most significant factors that contribute to a child's healthy
sense of self as male or female. Listening to moving recollections from
ex-homosexual men and women who describe what was missing in their own
childhoods, the Nicolosis provide clear insight for identifying potential
developmental roadblocks and give practical advice to parents for helping
their children securely identify with their gender. Replete with personal
stories from parents, children and ex-homosexual strugglers, A Parent's
Guide to Preventing Homosexuality offers compassion and hope for all those
parents who seek to lay a foundation for a healthy heterosexual identity
in their children. Features & Benefits
* draws from the clinical experience and professional research of Dr.
Nicolosi and other psychologists
* engages the question of whether homosexuality is learned, biological
or both
* uncovers significant factors that contribute to children's healthy
self-identity
* includes personal stories from parents, children and ex-homosexual
men and women
* guides parents to lay a healthy foundation for heterosexual identity
for their children
From the Author IVP: Many people
think that homosexuality is part of a person's natural identity. Is
homosexuality really something that can be prevented?
Joseph Nicolosi: Homosexuality is understood by the majority of mental
health practitioners working in this field to result from the interaction
of biological, social and psychological factors. The social and
psychological factors can be modified. What parents can do to make a
homosexual outcome unlikely is to lay the best possible foundation for
their child's secure gender identity. IVP: Homosexuality as a
developmental disorder has been taken out of the American Psychiatric
Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Why do you still say that
it is a developmental disorder?
Linda Nicolosi: Psychiatry says a disorder is characterized by distress
and disability. We see a lot of subjective distress in
homosexually-oriented people which cannot be attributed solely to social
discrimination. We also believe there is evidence of a "disability" in the
homosexually-oriented person's feeling of not being comfortable with
members of their own sex, of feeling "different" and inadequate, and of
course, in not being able to function according to their biologically
mandated sexual design.
There is a proven higher level of psychiatric disorders suffered by
homosexually-oriented people, even in very gay-friendly countries like The
Netherlands. This, including the high level of gay promiscuity and the
interest in perverse practices--the search for what gay men call "sexual
variety"--is suggestive, we believe, that nature's design is heterosexual.
Furthermore, the gay world is very destructive to our communal
understanding of healthy gender identity and gender roles, to the
stability of the traditional family, and to our integrity as persons who
are designed to live in accordance with our created natures.
First of all, I'm
ashamed that so many of the one-star reviewers here don't seem to
have actually read the book, but instead are relying on hearsay and
name calling. I've read the book extensively, and it's quite easy to
condemn on its own merits.
The bottom line of what Nicolosi
theorizes: We are gay because of a disruption in our relationship
with our same-sex parent, which causes a gender dysphoria and
incomplete sense of maleness/femaleness.
And this is
garbage. Yes, one might say my relationship with my father was not
as warm and close as with my mother, and I did indeed turn out gay.
Yet in the very same household, my sister was openly combative with
my mother from an extremely young age, and she is a raging
heterosexual.
Furthermore, my best male friend has a father
who rarely, if ever spoke at the home, and spent 45 weeks a year out
on the road as a traveling salesman. This friend turned out
heterosexual, and maintains an excellent relationship with his very
smart, with-it wife.
I know of very few men, gay or
straight, who have warm'n'cuddly relationships with their fathers.
Of all my friends, the two who have always been closest with their
dads are both -- wait for it -- gay themselves.
Nicolosi has
developed all his techniques with that unique subset of gay people
who are so mentally anguished at their homosexuality that they would
do anything to "get over" it. These self-selected subjects are in
absolutely no way representative as a sample of the larger gay
population.
This is the main reason his work is utterly
invalid as science. You cannot develop a psychological treatment for
such an amorphous condition as homosexuality, and you can't claim
success when the people who came to you desperate for a treatment
claim to be cured! There's no "gay test," and many prominent ex-gays
have reverted back to their true nature. If the poster boys (John
Paulk) can't keep on the straight and narrow, wouldn't you think
this is darned good evidence that the "cure" doesn't work?
Who's to say your willowy, feminine son is going to be gay,
or your tool-wielding daughter is going to turn out a lesbian?
The sleazy video booths and rest stops of this nation are
crawling with homosexual men who have gotten married, then freaked
out when they realize they're never going to have any of the
physical components that every human being needs. They then go out
for no-strings, anonymous gay sex...and often end up bringing bugs
back home to the unsuspecting wife.
I went through
Nicolosi-style treatment myself, which resulted in a 3-year marriage
to a woman whom I genuinely did love intellectually...but who did
nothing for me on a deep emotional and physical level. Luckily for
me, my absolute inability to satisfy her physical needs led her to
leave me. Yes, it was the most difficult time in my life, far worse
than acknowledging my own homosexuality as a teenager. But it was
the best thing that has ever happened to me.
You simply
cannot imagine the feeling of being trapped in a sham marriage,
especially when you actually have deep feelings for the woman you
are binding to yourself.
Sorry, Mr. Nicolosi, but spending
time playing football with your kid isn't going to help "fix" him. I
skateboarded, rode BMX and climbed trees with the best of them when
I was 7. Whatever caused it, it's still part of me, and this
ridiculous "cure" isn't going to help.
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78 of 114 people found the following review helpful:
But that doesn't mean it shouldn't be
read. Those who've read my other reviews know that I often find
controversial books more challenging. Now, let me share some of the
pros and cons of this book, as I see them.
PROS The
authors examine homosexuality from the old paradigm of GID (Gender
Identity Disorder). They back up their data with studies, that as
far as I can find in my research, are extremely at odds with today's
political winds, but nevertheless are accurate.
The authors
treat the subject with clinical care (but certainly from the point
of view that homosexuality is something to be avoided).
With
a point of view that is politically incorrect, but scientifically
defendable, the authors lean toward homosexuality being caused by
nurture rather than nature and give guidelines to help parents guard
against their children becoming homosexuals.
CONS The
book is written almost exclusively from the perspective of a family
with an overly protective mother, disengaged father, and male son
leaning toward homosexuality. Out of 10 chapters only 1 chapter
deals with lesbians. That chapter leaves more unanswered questions
than the others.
SUGGESTIONS If you are an aggresive
advocate of homosexuality this book will make you angry.
If
you are a lesbian or have a child with lesbian tendencies, this book
will be almost useless to you.
If you (like me) like to hear
both sides of an issue, you will like this book.
If you are
politically and religiously conservative, this book will back up
opinions you already hold.
If you are gay, this book may
confuse you and possibly even trouble you on many levels.
If
you are the parents of a male child with homosexual tendencies, you
probably have already read enough from this review to know if you
want to purchase this book.
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you?
Customer Reviews
Average Customer
Review: Write
an online review and share your thoughts with other
customers.
i found myself becoming very sad as i
realised the basic premise behind this book. the idea that nature
has a heterosexual bias flies in the continued incidence of same-sex
attraction throughout history and also in the animal kingdom. for
exhaustive research on this i suggest reading biological exuberance
- a very definitive volume. the idea that homosexuality is solely
about sex and promiscuity has been refuted very well in david
nimmons book soul beneath the skin. i suggest these books might help
you understand what your child is going through and their chance to
lead a healthy life more than this - in my view - misguided
book.
This book is bound to
cause controversy due to the sensitive topic with which it is
concerned, however that is no reason to simply label it as invalid
without taking the time to read it.
As much as I wish it
weren't true, homosexuality in today's society is by no means
considered "normal" or "ordinary". No matter how many studies are
carried out in the animal kingdom to attempt to prove that it is
natural, it will continue to be thought of by parents as a
hinderance to their childrens future. Therefore many parents may
wish to steer their child away from homosexuality with the methods
contained within this book. Fortunately the methods which are
described will not harm a child and If anything will be a benefit to
a child e.g a child having a stronger bond with their father.
I am by no means an expert on the subject, however when I
looked deeper into the subject I was continually pointed towards the
same inevitable conclusion - That homosexuality IS in a large number
of cases due to upbringing and not genetics. The numerous examples
cited in the text also back up this claim.
It seems as if a
father figure is in many ways more important while growing up than a
mother. A vast number of psycological problems, as well as
homosexuality can in many cases be directly attributed to the
relationship between a father and son and also a father and
daughter.
This book is an interesting read to any parents
who are concerned about their childs sexuality or anyone who wants
to find out more about the topic.
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this review helpful to you?
7 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Most of you people out
there who are dogging this book, haven't even read it! How can you
review a book when you haven't even read it? Have an open mind, read
it. and then review it.
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11 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
If just one of Nicolosi's claims is true..., March 19,
2006
I thought twice about writing a review of
a book I'd only read a few pages of, but from the majority of posts
here, reading it at all seems not to be a pre-requisite in the
slightest. The problem many homosexuals will have with this dummies'
guide is the golfball sized reality pill that must be swallowed if
just *one*, just 1 of Nicolosi's "patients" is a true "ex-gay." He
offers hundreds of examples. How good are the odds that just one is
true? This rare exception to the rule would hence debunk the
majority claim that homosexuality is "purely genetic and cannot be
reversed". Just one exception would also force you to scratch your
head and think "If it's possible for him/her, no matter how slim the
chance, maybe I can/could have reversed my genetic tendency too?"
Just as with alcoholics and Christians (insofar as their belief that
their deity controls their destinies) and so many others, the only
way homosexuals can be truly comfortable in their own skins is to
say "It's purely genetic, it's out of my hands, I have no choice."
If it can be reversed, by definition there is a choice. And please
spare the "the AMA and the APA said it so it must be true" garbage.
They're about as unbiased and agenda free as Nicolosi's NARTH and
the Bush administration. While you're at it, save the "this book
will only *harm* gays who read it, we must care for them to save
them from depression and suicide" melodrama too. This "genuine
concern" is sadly ironic coming from a demographic that has the
highest incidence of AIDS in the country, presumably from the
concotion of promosicuity and unprotected sex. So what's the tagline
now, "Help them feel comfortable with being gay so they don't kill
themselves now so we can kill them later with the hiv?" Where's all
your genuine concern for the great lay you had at that one bar last
year who's dying now in front of his family and friends? Bigotry is
clearly not a monopoly of the religious right.
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