CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES OF HOMOSEXUAL MEN
By Dale O'Leary
May 1998
for National Association of Research and
Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH)
Table
of Contents
INTRODUCTION
For the ordinary boy,
development takes a predictable course. He is born genetically
male and discovers very early that human beings are divided into
two groups male and female, and that he is male. He identifies
with other males, particularly his father, and imitates male
behavior. These behaviors are reinforced by adults and other
children. He joins a peer group of other boys. Hormones in his
body create changes in the brain which drive and reinforce male
behavior patterns. He is sexually attracted to the other sex --
namely girls -- and will probably fantasize about sexual
encounters and eventually engage in sexual acts with women.
Leanne Payne, an expert on the healing of sexual brokenness,
describes masculinity "not as a thing to be learned, but rather
as a quality to be tasted and experienced." According to Payne,
the masculine within the boy is called forth by the masculine
without. (Payne
1985, p.11)
In some cases, however, normal development does not occur. He
may experience rejection from his father or his peers or both.
He may reject his father as role model. The boy may as a child
express a desire to be a girl and imitate female behavior rather
than male or he may know he is male but feel inadequately
masculine. As puberty approaches his desire for the male may be
transformed into a sexual attraction to other males, causing him
fantasize about males rather than females and eventually leading
him to engage in sexual behavior with males.
The following article will comparing the childhood
experiences of those men who develop a complete masculine and
heterosexual identification, with those who do not.
TWINS
In recent years scientists have discovered genetic errors
which cause a number of diseases, including cystic fibrosis and
sickle cell anemia. Some researchers have suggested that there
may be a genetic cause for the failure to develop a complete
heterosexual identification and homosexuality may simply be a
human variant, like left-handedness. Media coverage of the issue
has created the impression that the existence of a genetic cause
for homosexuality has been proven, when, in point of fact, none
of the studies conducted so far offer scientifically verifiable
evidence that same-sex attraction in males is genetically
determined.
Studies of homosexuality in identical (monozygotic) twins
suggest that genetic determinism is highly unlikely, since if
homosexuality were determined before birth one would expect that
100% of identical twins would be the same -- either both
heterosexual or both homosexual.
Case histories of identical twins discordant for sexual
preference suggest that other factors plays a significant role
in the development of gender
identity and sexual preference. For example, identical twin
Frank, Jr. was born first and "badly mutilated" during the
process. He was considered by his parents as "very ugly infant."
Co-twin Paul had big eyes and was perceived as good-looking at
birth. Strangers seeing them together commented, "Oh how nice! A
boy and a girl." At three Paul contracted an infectious disease
which required extensive medical attention. For two and a half
years his mother drove him to a hospital in a distant city -- a
two hour round trip -- while the father stayed home with Frank,
Jr. Because of the medical problems, the father was reticent to
engage in rough play with Paul.
At age 8 Paul was evaluated for feminine behavior, which
included cross-dressing, doll play, female role play, and
avoidance rough-and-tumble play. When asked to draw a person,
Paul drew a female and Frank drew a male. In an interview with
the therapist, the twins' mother commented on the impact on Paul
of not being named after his father, "I can see, looking through
Paul's eyes -- that he [Frank, Jr.] got Daddy's name because
he's the one that Daddy liked." (Green
1974, p.206-207)
. In another case, identical twins Sam and Howard differed in
weight at birth and that difference persisted into adulthood. As
a result they could always be told apart. According to the
report:
Psychological development diverged from early childhood.
Sam's first memories were feeling insecure and vulnerable. He
recalled that at age five, he had been envious of girls
because they were taken care of by men when they grew up. Sam
always felt closer to his mother than to his father,
perceiving the latter as withdrawn and passive... Sam stayed
home after school helping his mother with housework or playing
hopscotch with neighborhood girls, while Howard remained
outside with male peers. Although not effeminate, Sam was
athletically awkward and temperamentally unassertive. The last
to be chosen for team sports, frightened of rough-and-tumble
activities, he had low status with other boys.
Sam was ashamed of his body. As early as age five, he
recalled, he felt that his nipples were similar to his
mother's. In later years, he felt that he had a feminine
habitus, even though others perceived him to be masculine.
During his boyhood and early adolescence Sam was labeled a
"mama's boy" and "the twin who like to read" by causal
acquaintances, peers and extended family...
Howard recalled feeling secure as a young child. He
perceived his father as quiet in disposition but loving,
gentle, and strong. He always felt closer to his father than
to his mother and actively rebelled against her control...
Howard was the target of continual maternal disfavor
because of his sloppiness, rowdiness, and poor performance as
student. During boyhood and adolescence, he was a peer group
leader, athletically graceful, and fiercely competitive at
team sports. He responded to challenge with attack and usually
emerged the victor in fights with other boys. Howard viewed
his body with pride and never felt unmasculine or feminine.
From about age eight, he was known as "the twin who liked
sports."
Sam had homosexual fantasies and engaged in homosexual
activity. Howard's fantasy life was heterosexual. He is
married.(Friedman
1988, p. 28-29)
A landmark study of identical twins reared apart was
conducted at the University of Minnesota.(Elke
1986) Fifty-five pairs were identified and brought to
Minneapolis for a week of intensive psychological and medical
testing. The study revealed amazing similarities in life choices
between genetically identical children although they had been
raised in different families, confirming the powerful influence
of inherited characteristics on behavior. Two male pairs
containing homosexuals were found and three female pairs. All
three females pairs were discordant for homosexual behavior. In
one set of the male twins, both were homosexual as adults,
however, both also had a learning disability and a speech
impediment with lisp as children. Both were as children
considered hyperactive, emotionally labile and subject to
episodes of anxiety and depression.
With the second male pair no unusual childhood difficulties
were reported. One twin experimented sexually as an adolescent
and became exclusively homosexual at age 19. The second engaged
in a homosexual affair with an older man between ages 15 to 18
and then became heterosexual and married.
Children who are genetically identical are more likely to be
treated similarly by their parents, however, the case histories
show that significant differences in treatment can result in
differences in outcome.
In a 1991 study, Bailey and Pillard compared identical,
fraternal, non-twin and adopted brothers of adult homosexual
men. They found that 52% of the identical twins, 22% of the
fraternal twins, 11% of the adopted brothers, and 9.2% of the
non-twin siblings were also homosexual. All these percentages
are higher than the incidence of male homosexuality in the
general population. The finding that fraternal twins were more
than twice as likely as non-twin siblings to be homosexual
suggests factors in the childhood experience plays a key part in
the development of same-sex attraction,
Bailey and Pillard concluded, "These data are consistent with
heritable variation in prenatal brain development or in some
aspect of physical appearance, that, by way of differential
parental treatment, leads to differences in sexual orientation."
and that "one assumption of the heritability analysis presented
above is that there are no major genes for homosexuality."(Bailey
1991) The "heritable variation" referred to might be a
difference in sensitivity to maternal anxiety or differences in
appearance.
Byne and Parsons in a review of "biologic theories" for human
sexual orientation conclude "there is no evidence at present to
substantiate a biological theory." They do not believe that any
single theory explains all cases of homosexuality, but suggest
that sexual orientation is shaped by an interaction between the
environment and personality characteristics. Byne and Parsons
suggest a hypothetical scenario to illustrate how inherited
personality traits could influence the development of same-sex
attraction, allow for differing parental input, and the reaction
of the individual:
Two boys had absent fathers and overly protective mothers
who disparaged sports. One of these boys enthusiastically
participated in baseball and developed a heterosexual erotic
orientation, while the other shunned baseball and developed a
homosexual orientation. ...
Research into the heritability of personality variants
suggest that some personality dimensions may be heritable,
including novelty seeking, harm avoidance, and reward
dependence. Applying these dimensions to the above scenario,
one might predict that a boy who was high in novelty seeking,
but low in harm avoidance and reward dependence, would be
likely to disregard his mother's discouragement of baseball.
On the other hand a boy who was low in novelty seeking, but
high in harm avoidance and reward dependence, would be more
likely to need the rewards of maternal approval, would be more
likely to need the rewards of maternal approval, would be less
likely to seek and encounter male role models outside the
family, and would be more likely to avoid baseball for fear of
being hurt. In the absence of encouragement from an accepting
father or alternative male role model, such a boy would be
likely to feel different from his male peers and as a
consequence be subject to nonerotic experiences in childhood
that may contribute to the subsequent emergence of homoerotic
preferences. Such experiences could include those described by
Friedman as being common in prehomosexual boys, including low
masculine self-regard, isolation, scapegoating, and rejection
by male peers, and older males including the father. (Byne,
1993)
In the above scenario, the personality traits would merely
create a vulnerability; the determining factor would be the
absence of an encouraging male role model. . Bieber, et
al., whose landmark study of homosexual males will be
discussed later rejected the genetic arguments on the grounds
that in 27% of their cases homosexuality had been reversed:
Though reversibility is itself not a sufficient argument
against the genetic hypothesis, there is so much evidence on
the side of the nurture hypothesis and so little on the side
of the nature hypothesis, that the reliance upon genetic or
constitutional determinants to account for the homosexual
adaptation is ill founded. (Bieber
1962, p.306)
Trauma and conflict
Psychologists offer a number of possible explanations of how
homosexuality could develop. According to one interpretation of
Freudian psychological theory, painful internal sensations or
external situations produce traumas. The traumas may be acute,
chronic, or cumulative. Some traumas produce psychological
conflict. According to Dr. Robert Stoller, who specialized in
study and treatment of sexual deviation, traumas may only cause
change, "Conflict implies intrapsychic struggle to order to
choose among possibilities." (Stoller,
1973) Dr. Ruth Barnhouse, who has written on identity and
homosexuality, elaborates on Stoller's analysis:
It is conflict, not trauma, which produces an internal fork
in the developmental road. The reason this is so important is
that neuroses, including perversion of the sexual development,
does not result simply from trauma, but from particular
resolutions of conflict in this technical sense of that word.
As a result of conflict the individual chooses, however
primitively and unconsciously, one solution over another. (Barnhouse,
p.117)
This process of trauma, leading to a conflict which produces
a choice has been reported by a number of adult homosexual men
who remember that after a traumatic childhood experience they
made an inner "vow" that they would never be like their fathers.
Leanne Payne has seen instances where a boy has been
deserted, harmed or frustrated by his father and responded with
a childhood oath against his father, such as: "I will never,
ever love him again"; "I vow never to be like him when I grow
up"; 'This time he has gone too far. I will never again allow
him to get to me"; or "He will never get the chance to hurt me
again, I'm wiping him out of my world." In Payne's experience,
when these men cut off their fathers by means of this oath, they
"cut themselves off from their own masculinity." (Payne
1985, p.54)
Dr. Elizabeth Moberly, whose analysis of the origins of
homosexuality and whose strategies for therapy have been
embraced by support groups such as Homosexual Anonymous and
reparative therapists, characterizes homosexuality as a
"reparative drive":
From amidst a welter of details, one constant underlying
principle suggests itself: that the homosexual -- whether man
or woman -- has suffered from some deficit in the relationship
with the parent of the same sex; and that there is a
corresponding drive to make good this deficit -- through the
medium of same-sex, or 'homosexual', relationships.(Moberly,
p. 3)
Moberly rejects determinist explanations: "No particular
incident must inevitably disrupt the attachment to the same sex
parent. But any of a wide variety of incidents may, in certain
cases, happen to result in this particular form of psychological
damage." The injury may be unintentional:
Whatever the particular incident may be, it is something
that has been experienced as hurtful by the child, whether or
not intended as hurtful by the parent. The parent may or may
not be culpable, but in either case the child has genuinely
been hurt. The difficulty arises when which a hurt is
accompanied by an unwillingness to relate any longer to the
love-source that has been experienced as hurtful. This implies
an abiding defect in the child's relational capacity. The
tragedy is that subsequent to this effect the behavior of the
same-sex parent becomes irrelevant, since the child is no
longer able to relate normally to him or her. Even if love is
offered, it cannot be received. (Moberly,
p 5.)
According to Moberly in some cases the injury and effect may
not be evident, but in many cases both are clearly evident.
Moberly holds that: "The homosexual condition is itself a
deficit in the child's ability to relate to the parent of the
same sex which is carried over to members of the same sex in
general;" and that a "defensive detachment from the parent of
the same sex also implies blocking of the normal identificatory
process. This may in some instances, but by no means in all, be
expressed in effeminacy in male homosexuals." This effeminacy,
according to Moberly, is not a "genuine identification with the
opposite sex, but rather disidentification from the same
sex.(Moberly,
p.8)
Sources
The material in the section comes from several different
sources:
1) Studies based adult homosexual adults recollections of
childhood experiences;
2) Reports from therapists who treat adult homosexuals;
3) Biographical information from adult homosexuals;
4) Reports from therapists who treat childhood conditions
which sometimes precede adult homosexuality, namely Gender
Identity Disorder (GID) and Chronic Juvenile Unmasculinity.
(CJU.)
5) Longitudinal studies of children with GID -- tracking
them from childhood into adulthood.
The link between GID and CJU. and adult homosexuality has
been demonstrated in a number of studies. Estimates are that
about 85% of homosexual male adults showed symptoms of GID
and/or CJU. in childhood and that about 75% of the boys who show
evidence of GID in childhood currently become homosexual adults.
The studies reviewed in this section were conducted by
persons with very different attitudes toward homosexual
behavior, but in spite of this the results are remarkably
similar. Almost without exception adult male homosexuals' recall
of their childhood experiences differs significantly from that
of non-homosexuals. In particular, adult male homosexuals report
unsatisfactory relationship with their fathers, problematic
relationships with their mothers, gender identity pathology,
and/or chronic, persistent childhood unmasculinity.
